This the most powerful, comprehensive, eloquent, illuminating description of the misogynistic prison we have all been trapped inside for thousands of years, arguably since the beginning of Patriarchy. I want to see this published as an op-ed in all the biggest newspapers, where all the world can read it. Then I would like to see this published as a short book, much like Mary Wollstonecraft's "The Vindication of the Rights of Women," because this is of the same caliber and importance. Finally, I would like to see this essay taught in schools. There are so many important lines in this for me, including:
“The point is not simply that predators share references. It’s that they share a vocabulary and a posture: entitlement, contempt, and the expectation that others will go along with it. And far too often, they do.” (Sickening how language is weaponized against us.)
“I’m not OK with the way that we continue to turn a blind eye to violence and make excuses and cover up for perpetrators. Why should I be? I’m sick of it. I’m really really sick of it. And I’m tired of being blamed for being fed up with it and calling it out. This is not something defective about me. It’s something defective about our culture and about what we are willing to accept as inevitable and tolerate as normal. None of this should be OK with us.” (NO MORE GASLIGHTING OF WOMEN!)
“Someone once asked me why I didn’t scream, and I wanted to say that I hadn’t had a voice then.” (I feel the truth of this in my bones, for ALL THE TIMES I WAS UNABLE TO SCREAM IN MY OWN DEFENSE!)
“Left alone without conversations through which we can interrogate what has happened to us, a lexicon is foisted onto us that is centered around blame and shame. It is the lexicon of the perpetrator, not the victim.” (SO WELL EXPLAINED!)
“[Pornography] damages not only the individual women and girls who are directly subjected to it, but all women and girls who are then seen through its toxic lens.” (FINALLY, it is acknowledged!!!)
“It sits inside a familiar sequence: I point to the violence, to the normalization, to the complicity—and the response is not accountability, but management. The response is the quiet effort to treat my moral clarity as a temperament problem.” (There is nothing predators fear more than "THE MORAL CLARITY OF WOMEN!")
"And what I am naming here is not an overreaction. It is attunement to what is being normalized as inevitable. But once you see the pattern—once you see how predators share a common language, and how culture keeps giving it cover—it becomes impossible to unsee.” (LOVE THIS!!!)
“Predators share a common language. That language can be interrupted. But it will not be interrupted by politeness, and it will not be interrupted by silence. It will be interrupted by accurate naming, by refusing rituals of minimization, by refusing demands for discretion, and by building the language that survivors have always been denied—one that is grounded in truth, and in naming what is parading in plain sight.”
In this final paragraph, I most love how you have reclaimed the power of language as a lever of justice, shining light on the darkness while empowering all women to reclaim their voice and their intuitive wisdom, to individually and collectively the demon and liberate ourselves from their manipulative shame. Thank you Mary, for this MOST IMPORTANT post!
Thank you, Elizabeth. I also believe that the work you are doing with teen girls through The Intuitive Writing Project is essentially important to interrupt the laundering of gender-based and sexual violence as something that is inevitable and should be tolerated. The disruption and rupture will only come through accurate naming, refusal to be dismissed as "emotional," and absolute moral clarity about what is actually happening, just as we continue to reject the thinly veiled accusations presented to survivors of violence as questions that seek to shift the blame from the perpetrators where it rightly belongs.
Thank you for always appreciating my work with teens. I will be sharing excerpts from your piece with my teen writers, as well, and I know it will resonate with them, as they are sick and tired of being called "emotional," too!
This work is vital for us to understand and act... to disrupt the sexualized misogyny. Our culture is awash with a male ethos as predator/conqueror/ king which pushes more marginalization and victimization of women.
We have an orange king rapist trying to hide the Epstein files and his minions imitating very bad behavior and ethics.
It is worth noting that withholding documents under false pretences of privilege is common and was also used repeatedly by Michigan State University (MSU) in the Nassar case. In its September 12, 2024 Report, the Michigan AG's office wrote:
MSU has repeatedly justified withholding the documents because they
contained information that was allegedly protected by the attorney-client privilege.
Our review has revealed that this justification was not always appropriate. A
significant number, if not a majority, of the documents did not appear to us to be
covered by the privilege. Accordingly, there was no justifiable reason to withhold
those documents for any period of time, let alone an extended period. Further, the
documents that contained, or at least arguably contained, privileged information
did not offer any new insight into MSU’s handling of Nassar’s abuse or who knew
what about it and when. Indeed, most of the privileged information was not even
related to those issues, but instead to tangential issues such as public relations,
Everything you (and Perlman) write is true and clear. My hope is that we finally understand this to the point that we change the norm rather than continue to accept and protect it. Thank you for writing this and your fierce loving dedication.
This the most powerful, comprehensive, eloquent, illuminating description of the misogynistic prison we have all been trapped inside for thousands of years, arguably since the beginning of Patriarchy. I want to see this published as an op-ed in all the biggest newspapers, where all the world can read it. Then I would like to see this published as a short book, much like Mary Wollstonecraft's "The Vindication of the Rights of Women," because this is of the same caliber and importance. Finally, I would like to see this essay taught in schools. There are so many important lines in this for me, including:
“The point is not simply that predators share references. It’s that they share a vocabulary and a posture: entitlement, contempt, and the expectation that others will go along with it. And far too often, they do.” (Sickening how language is weaponized against us.)
“I’m not OK with the way that we continue to turn a blind eye to violence and make excuses and cover up for perpetrators. Why should I be? I’m sick of it. I’m really really sick of it. And I’m tired of being blamed for being fed up with it and calling it out. This is not something defective about me. It’s something defective about our culture and about what we are willing to accept as inevitable and tolerate as normal. None of this should be OK with us.” (NO MORE GASLIGHTING OF WOMEN!)
“Someone once asked me why I didn’t scream, and I wanted to say that I hadn’t had a voice then.” (I feel the truth of this in my bones, for ALL THE TIMES I WAS UNABLE TO SCREAM IN MY OWN DEFENSE!)
“Left alone without conversations through which we can interrogate what has happened to us, a lexicon is foisted onto us that is centered around blame and shame. It is the lexicon of the perpetrator, not the victim.” (SO WELL EXPLAINED!)
“[Pornography] damages not only the individual women and girls who are directly subjected to it, but all women and girls who are then seen through its toxic lens.” (FINALLY, it is acknowledged!!!)
“It sits inside a familiar sequence: I point to the violence, to the normalization, to the complicity—and the response is not accountability, but management. The response is the quiet effort to treat my moral clarity as a temperament problem.” (There is nothing predators fear more than "THE MORAL CLARITY OF WOMEN!")
"And what I am naming here is not an overreaction. It is attunement to what is being normalized as inevitable. But once you see the pattern—once you see how predators share a common language, and how culture keeps giving it cover—it becomes impossible to unsee.” (LOVE THIS!!!)
“Predators share a common language. That language can be interrupted. But it will not be interrupted by politeness, and it will not be interrupted by silence. It will be interrupted by accurate naming, by refusing rituals of minimization, by refusing demands for discretion, and by building the language that survivors have always been denied—one that is grounded in truth, and in naming what is parading in plain sight.”
In this final paragraph, I most love how you have reclaimed the power of language as a lever of justice, shining light on the darkness while empowering all women to reclaim their voice and their intuitive wisdom, to individually and collectively the demon and liberate ourselves from their manipulative shame. Thank you Mary, for this MOST IMPORTANT post!
Thank you, Elizabeth. I also believe that the work you are doing with teen girls through The Intuitive Writing Project is essentially important to interrupt the laundering of gender-based and sexual violence as something that is inevitable and should be tolerated. The disruption and rupture will only come through accurate naming, refusal to be dismissed as "emotional," and absolute moral clarity about what is actually happening, just as we continue to reject the thinly veiled accusations presented to survivors of violence as questions that seek to shift the blame from the perpetrators where it rightly belongs.
Thank you for always appreciating my work with teens. I will be sharing excerpts from your piece with my teen writers, as well, and I know it will resonate with them, as they are sick and tired of being called "emotional," too!
This work is vital for us to understand and act... to disrupt the sexualized misogyny. Our culture is awash with a male ethos as predator/conqueror/ king which pushes more marginalization and victimization of women.
We have an orange king rapist trying to hide the Epstein files and his minions imitating very bad behavior and ethics.
We are just beginning to see what the Epstein files will show, and to understand what this means.
Brilliant and fierce. Every single sentence.
Thank you, Martha. I know you share my fire.
In this CNN interview, Gloria Allred alleges male, sexual predators are being protected by the Epstein files while Jane Does are being revealed https://www.cnn.com/2026/02/06/politics/video/gloria-allred-alleges-male-sexual-predators-are-being-protected-by-the-epstein-files-while-jane-does-are-being-revealed-lcl
It is worth noting that withholding documents under false pretences of privilege is common and was also used repeatedly by Michigan State University (MSU) in the Nassar case. In its September 12, 2024 Report, the Michigan AG's office wrote:
MSU has repeatedly justified withholding the documents because they
contained information that was allegedly protected by the attorney-client privilege.
Our review has revealed that this justification was not always appropriate. A
significant number, if not a majority, of the documents did not appear to us to be
covered by the privilege. Accordingly, there was no justifiable reason to withhold
those documents for any period of time, let alone an extended period. Further, the
documents that contained, or at least arguably contained, privileged information
did not offer any new insight into MSU’s handling of Nassar’s abuse or who knew
what about it and when. Indeed, most of the privileged information was not even
related to those issues, but instead to tangential issues such as public relations,
insurance, and funding.
Everything you (and Perlman) write is true and clear. My hope is that we finally understand this to the point that we change the norm rather than continue to accept and protect it. Thank you for writing this and your fierce loving dedication.